BUFFALO, N.Y. — Every year 19% of women experience infertility and about 10-15% of women who do become pregnant lose their baby.
As soon as Vanessa and Robert Sanabria got married, they wanted nothing more than to be parents but instead came empty-handed.
"When I lost Ivan and I came home, I felt so alone I was just like no one can relate to me, nobody knows what I am feeling," said Vanessa Sanabria. "Everyone is just like, 'stay positive. It will get better with time.' You know, you give birth to a baby still and you home come, like I said, empty-handed and you are still going through everything a woman who brought a baby would go through."
Back in 2020, Vanessa and Robert Sanabria decided to start growing their family. For a year, they weren't able to. So that's when their doctors sent them to an infertility clinic.
"I am sure it's like this with every family, but at least with ours they were asking, 'When are you going to have a baby? When is the baby coming?' Not knowing behind closed doors, we are like struggling. We are trying," Vanessa Sanabria said. "It's our dream to have a baby here. You know, we went through that silently for a while and we realize that going through it alone was hard," she said.
With five failed rounds of intrauterine insemination (IUI) and two rounds of in vitro fertilization (IVF), they were finally pregnant with their son, Ivan Robert.
"And then we went to our 21-week scan and we got to see our baby and everything was looks great. So the doctor that day told us 'everything looks good, we will see you in the next check-up,'" she said.
Only to be in the hospital about two weeks later giving birth. Ivan later passed away minutes later.
"You know we miss our son. It's crazy to think that I carried him for such a short time and I miss him so much," she said.
According to Buffalo IVF, 1 in 10 couples experience infertility and for those who do, Dr. Chantal Bartel with the clinic says it's important to know that you are not alone.
"And everyone kind of goes through that process differently. They have the ability to have support and have other people to talk to," she said.
And to help people, like Vanessa and Robert, who are going through similar things, it's ok to talk about.
"Growing up we never thought about counseling, the way we were raised is you know, 'You grief. You live. You move on.' And it's amazing. I can tell you me and my wife been together for 11 years, married three, four and we got stronger than ever," Robert Sanabria said.
"I remember I had a really good girlfriend who said to me, 'I accept you however you are feeling. I am doing this event and I want you to come. Come if you are sad, if you are happy if you are feeling ok. Just come - It doesn't matter,'" Vanessa Sanabria said. "It's being a safe place for us. Please, don't be afraid to ask somebody how you can help and what you can say. Check-in with them because the silence is what hurts the most."
After months of grieving, they decided to try again. Since their insurance coverage only covers three cycles, this was their last opportunity to get pregnant with the help of IVF. It didn't work.
"30 percent or more of the couples that come see us don't get a clear answer to why they are not getting pregnant. That's hard because sometimes I find that people feel closure if there is a specific thing," Dr. Bartel said.
And now Vanessa and Robert Sanabria are hoping for a miracle.
"I'd be lying if I said if I wasn't terrified to get pregnant again and this will happen again but a part of me just feels like we have done everything that we can on our end to bring a baby home. Right now, we are fighting for our rainbow baby," Vanessa Sanabria said.
If you know someone who is going through infertility or pregnancy loss, don't suffer by yourself there are many support groups in and around Western New York and online. For Vanessa and Robert Sanabria, they say what helped them the most was by speaking to people who also went through it.
These treatments can cost thousands of dollars, if you would like to help them become parents someday, they have a GoFundMe account set up.